A conversation with a close friend got me thinking about something I feel is a bit of a common misconception that I'd like to address. How many times have you ever heard someone say that they cannot enjoy a video game? For many of us, this person is often someone close to us, or even our significant other. It is my opinion this is a dated way of thinking that can (at last in some cases) be changed by simply exposing this said person to games they can enjoy without making them feel overwhelmed by a media they didn't grow up using.
If you're significant other has used phrases like "I don't do video games" or "video games aren't my thing" you have likely just accepted this as fact and become ok with it and let it be. This is pretty common after all and it's understandable that most people would rather not push something onto someone if they just don't care for it. ...at least that's one way of looking at it.
However, what if I told you there was a much higher possibility of you and your honey bunches enjoying games together than either of you think? Even better, what if I told you this was possible without having to force it on them in a way that would only push them from the topic even more? Sound too good to be true? Perhaps not!
I believe this common misconception of video games is due to a lack of knowledge on how many different options of games there are available today. As a gamer and a developer, I often find it very odd when someone makes a statement about never playing games. To me it's no different than someone saying "yeah, I don't do music", or "I have never enjoyed a movie, they just aren’t for me" Statements like that are almost unheard of when talking about most media, so why are video games so different in this area? Well, there are actually some pretty strong reasons for this and it may be a bit deeper than you think.
To fully understand why this is and where the lack of interest comes from, we need to think about the individual's past experiences. Let's start with a brief history of the culture of video games in the US, as in most cases this concept stems from the past of the industry itself.
If you're in your 30's or 40's then you probably remember a time when video games were almost strictly looked at as a pastime for children. Even with the huge success of the NES, SNES and Sega Genesis, gaming was looked at as a kids play-thing and was most often advertised alongside Saturday morning cartoons. Furthermore, television ads almost exclusively marketed these consoles to a young, male audience. Beyond that, regardless of gender, if you continued to play and/or discuss video games into you pre-teens then you were most likely met with others labeling you as a "nerd" and thereby banishing you from the cool kids table at the cafeteria. It wasn't until the huge success of the Sony Playstation in the mid-late 90's when 3D graphics started taking games to more extraordinary and adult themed places that this negative stigma surrounding games would begin to change.
By the early 2000's gaming was now something we commonly saw young adults enjoying regularly. Every college in the country was filled with the sounds of plasma shots and shit-talk from Halo LAN parties. We were now starting to see an increase of both female gamers as well as older gamers as anime, comics, games and everything nerd-culture was now becoming far more accepted and appealing to a larger audience. But it was a small device that would create a big change in the way of gaming, enter the smartphone era!
With smartphones, tablets, affordable PCs and even newer generation handhelds like the Nintendo DS, came much more casual games which would show our culture that there were now types of games for everyone! Anyone regardless of gender or age could find fun in a game like Angry Birds or Cut the Rope and these types of games were now in many cases free and available on devices everyone had despite their interest in gaming.
Furthermore in 2006 the Nintendo Wii would bring motion controllers to the media that would aid in helping people get over their intimidation with complex, button heavy controllers. This was such a huge success, we often saw our parents and even grandparents having a game console in their living room alongside a copy of Wii Sports and/or Raving Rabbids. The point being, gaming has changed and grown into something far more approachable then it was back when a lot of us grown-ups were kids. So it's important that we understand this as in many cases, you'll find that one if not all the factors above are the culprit to why this said person feels they simply can't enjoy video games.
Before we get to my advice on getting your partner to actually pick up that controller, we need to address ourselves as the gamer in the relationship. Being a gamer likely means we spend our couch (or office chair) time playing first person shooters, open world adventure games, fighting games or even MMO's. These are often not good introductory games for someone who's already got a strong opinion that they do not enjoy games. In fact, putting these games in your loved one's hands will likely only confirm what they've already established, games are overwhelming and not for them. So this means you will need to be more open minded to other types of games yourself.
Take tabletop games for example, as most people have played and enjoyed a board game at some point in their lives. But imagine someone has never played a board or card game before, you wouldn't go straight to Magic the Gathering right? Instead you might teach them a card game like Uno or a board game like Pictionary. Something so simple that most people would be able to pick it up and understand it after just a few turns. Once someone understands those first couple simple games they are almost always more willing to explore other table-top games. Now it's fair to say they may never get so into it that they are asking to join-in on your next Dungeons & Dragons night, but you just might get them to enjoy a good game of Munchkin with you from time to time, and that is still a win.
So now that we’ve covered these common game related topics, we can get to my advice. It's actually pretty straight forward, if you ever want to play games with your non-gaming significant other, one of the first things a gamer must do is drop that gamer ego and be more open to playing more casual games. Yes, I understand that for many of us "casual" is a dirty word when it comes to games, but let's not forget these games exist for this very reason. And take it from someone who's played both FPS's and fighting games on a competitive level, there are FUN casual games! Having a 6 year old son, my wife (who's also a gamer) and I both find ourselves not just playing casual games with our kid, but actually enjoying them as much as he does. You just need to think about what your partner likes about other media, and what they don't like about the games they've tried (if any) and put a little thought and research into your approach. I couldn't have said this just 10 years ago, but today I can say with confidence, there is a game out there for everyone! Yes, even your partner who's never heard of Zelda and swears they can not imagine enjoying a video game.
So the next time you hear your partner say “Go enjoy your little game while I go read my book” I hope I’ve given you some ideas on how you might be able to turn your lonely game night into something you can (at least on occasion) share with the person you wish to share things with the most. Good luck gamers!
Pro Tip:
If your partner does/has enjoyed a card or board game with you, chances are there is a video game or app version of it. This could be a fantastic introduction game as those types of games normally require little to no skill with a controller. There are some serious fun trivia games out for every console and device, go find one and get started!
